Dealing with an altered body image and changes in your sexuality can be difficult for younger women. Some changes will be treatment induced and possibly short-term, but some women will have long-term effects. Sexuality is not just about intercourse or masturbation, it’s about how you feel about yourself, how you interact in relationships and your physical responses in sexual situations. It’s an important aspect of body image, and can be affected by your diagnosis and treatment.
Changes you may experience
Loss of self-esteem and confidence
Surgery can cause a number of different physical changes including scars, hormonal changes and sometimes the need of a stoma. Chemotherapy can cause hair loss, fatigue, tiredness and nausea or vomiting. All these factors can have an impact on how you feel about yourself and may have an impact on your relationships with family, friends and intimate partners and you may find that you question who you are now.
Lower sex drive
The loss of testosterone (a hormone produced by men and women) after a surgical menopause may affect your sex drive. You or your partner may also experience low desire due to the range of emotions you are both dealing with, in order to come to terms with your diagnosis. You may find sex no longer gives you pleasure, or is painful, and this may affect your libido.
Vaginal dryness and painful sex
After a surgical menopause, the changes in your oestrogen levels cause changes to your vagina and the tissues surrounding it. The vagina may not be as moist as it previously was and lubrication can be a problem. This can make sex painful and cause vaginal itching and dryness. This is very common but easy to treat. Not being sufficiently aroused can also lead to painful sex and vice versa; painful sex can lead to loss of arousal.
It’s normal to go off sex at times. Knowing why things may be different might help you to understand your personal experiences and highlight if you are having difficulties you’d like help with.
What can I do?
Coming to terms with the new you will take time. For some women it takes weeks and for others months or even longer. Give yourself time to adjust to your new normal.
- Be prepared for relatives and friends to ask questions about your treatment, and for questions or comments about your appearance. Having thought about how you will respond will make it easier. If you prefer not to talk about it, let people know.
- Healthy lifestyle changes such as exercise, good nutrition, meditation and complementary therapies such as aromatherapy, reflexology, acupuncture or massage can help you to feel better and manage stress.
- Be open and honest with yourself and your partner. This will help you feel more relaxed and resolve any problems. Ask your partner what they are concerned about too. Talking to each other can deepen your relationship and have a positive effect on intimacy. For instance you may decide to avoid sex for a while but concentrate on kissing and cuddling, or you may try longer foreplay and different positions.
- Your CNS can advise you or refer you to a sexual health specialist. Don’t be shy about talking to a professional about it; they will want to help you with this aspect of your recovery.
- Take your time. Painful sex can prevent some women from experiencing an orgasm. It may be that sex is only painful when first having intercourse following surgery and it will settle as your body recovers.
- Lubricants can improve sensation and moistness. Non hormonal vaginal moisturisers are available to relieve symptoms and vaginally applied oestrogen may be offered as a long-term treatment. It’s worth exploring this with your CNS.
- Be kind and pamper yourself. Looking after yourself can help build your self-image back up.
Find out more
For younger women
- How will treatment affect me?
- Hormone replacement therapy
- Impact on relationships and family
- Coping if you have children
- Practical and financial support
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Last reviewed: May 2015
Next review: May 2017