A couple of months after chemo had ended the oncologist told me everything was looking very good and that I couldn’t have had a better outcome from my surgery and treatment. Now I should just go out there and get on with my life I remember thinking to myself, ‘After all this – how am I supposed to do that?’
Fortunately, there was lots of help available. Target Ovarian Cancer’s online groups were particularly good and so supportive. It was wonderful to be able to talk seriously and also and chatter away about complete nonsense with people who had experienced and been through something similar to me. It really helped to show me that life can, in some special way, carry on afterward.
The beginning
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on my 60th birthday. A few months before that I’d been signed up to do a big concert tour – I am a musician and performer. As preparation for the tour and the birthday milestone I decided it would be a good time to get a bit fitter, through exercise and healthier eating.
I was a bit surprised when I started to get bloated and having bouts of what I thought was indigestion. I just put down to changing diet but this persisted, and I also began to feel very tired. This seemed a bit odd because with the healthy change in lifestyle I had expected to be feeling better than ever. Looking back now, none of my symptoms felt specific enough to worry about.
I started to lose weight, which is what I expected with cutting back on alcohol and unhealthy food. I began to experience pain/ache in my left calf, which for some weeks I again put down to a new fitness and exercise regime. It didn’t go away and after many GP appointments with various GPs, one doctor suggested I should have a D-dimer test. I was diagnosed with thrombosis. This came as a huge shock but the medical staff put it down to possible long flights or an unhealthy diet.
Meanwhile my weight continued to drop, and one day I noticed a big lump in my lower abdomen which immediately got alarm bells ringing. I knew straight away it was something very serious. This coincided with the very beginning of the first covid lockdown which made it extra scary, but fortunately my GP was brilliant and got me through blood tests and scans quickly. They confirmed they had found a mass on my left ovary.
I had a biopsy– which was quite uncomfortable – and I ended up having to be admitted due to complications with the procedure. A few days later I underwent a second biopsy. Thankfully this biopsy was successful but a few days later, on my 60th birthday, I received a diagnosis of stage IIIc ovarian cancer. My whole world fell away – I was completely terrified.
Treatment
Chemo began soon after this. During treatment I ended up losing my hair and struggled a lot with nausea. Even so, I managed to keep positive, believing the whole time that it was doing good. A few months later I underwent radical surgery including a total hysterectomy. Recovery from that operation was hard but the doctors seemed delighted with the outcome.
Although I’m now in a good place, living with the knowledge it could come back at any time is really hard. I try to celebrate and rejoice in every second, but the anxiety is always there. For a while everything did feel quite overwhelming. Physically the staff and surgeons were great, but the mental health side of it was incredibly difficult and intense.
Support
When I first had my diagnosis I didn’t want to know too much about the science and the potential outcomes. It was too overwhelming. I just wanted to know what COULD be done. Googling can get so overwhelming so instead I took great comfort in reading about other people’s real-life experiences. It's a bit like looking in a mirror – everyone's in different places but you recognize and understand a lot of the same things.
I found Target Ovarian Cancer a little later in my journey. I hadn’t heard of them before but they’ve been amazing, that’s why I want to share my story. Talking with other women in a similar position has been great.
I often use the online groups and it’s so wonderful to forget about the burden of cancer and just spend an hour chatting to others who understand and are also doing their absolute best to get on with their lives. There’s a whole spectrum of people in different circumstances and of different ages. Last but most definitely not least are the staff and specialist nurses involved with Target Ovarian Cancer. They provide so much support and advice.
The most fantastic thing of all happened a few months ago when I was able to get back and rehearse with my musicians for the first time in two years. My bandmates have been so supportive and even in the hardest times I've always had music and writing – the positivity has been great. This year I am finally doing something I never thought I would do again - I am going on tour with my band!
If you’ve been affected by this story and would like to speak to a specialist nurse, you can call our dedicated support line on 020 7923 5475 or contact us: [email protected]. We're open from 9am until 5.30pm, Monday to Friday.
If reading this story has helped you, join the Ovarian Cancer Community to connect with more people affected by ovarian cancer: www.targetovariancancer.org.uk/onlinecommunity
